Shit Sandwiches

What is a Shit Sandwich?

A Shit Sandwich is a pile of shit sandwiched between two pieces of bread. If it sounds disgusting and unappetizing, that’s because it is.

You’ve probably never ordered one purposefully, but if you’re a human on earth, a few people have probably tried to serve you one.

A Shit Sandwich has nothing to do with you, and has no power to cause you harm unless you eat it. You may have had no power over the fact that someone decided to serve you a shit sandwich (unless you asked for one specifically), but you do have power over what happens when you are served your Shit Sandwich.

If you’re like me, you don’t want to eat a pile of shit.  All you have to do to avoid the harmful effects of the Shit Sandwich is to weild your power to say no. Just don’t eat it. Send it right back where it came from. It cannot hurt you nor cause any harm should you choose to reject it.

Let’s get real

Am I being too vague here? Let’s get real with some real world examples.

The other day I was sitting in a coffee shop, and I noticed both plugs were in use by other customers. I said to the woman next to me, “hi, I have a question for you: if your computer will last for a while unplugged and you don’t mind, would it be alright to charge mine for a while?  You can definitely say no, it’s no problem if you’re still using it.”

She said, “Ok, I’m leaving.”

I thought she meant, “sure, I was just leaving, go for it” but I quickly found out I was mistaken.

As she gathered her belongings, she went on, raising her voice “YOU ARE EXTREMELY RUDE, INCONSIDERATE, AND NOW YOU ARE INCONVENIENCING ME. YOUR GLASSES DON’T MAKE YOU SMART! I WAS JUST WRITING ABOUT PEOPLE WITH GLASSES, THEY ARE SO RUDE. YOU ARE JUST A CHILD IN A WOMAN’S BODY, AND JUST BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY DOESN’T SUPPORT YOU DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN TAKE IT OUT ON OTHERS. YOU ARE EXTREMELY RUDE AND…..” At this point, the woman who was sitting next to us gets up and vacates the area. I’m standing there like a deer in the headlights, shocked, confused, and speechless. I look over at the woman who’s escaped the reign of terror in the hopes that she’ll come back and save me, then realize I’m going it alone.

My first instinct is to sling it right back at her, but I quickly realize the situation for what it really is: I have just been served a giant hot plate of Shit Sandwich. Me reacting to her at all would be consuming the Shit Sandwich I just got served.

I realized that her actions had nothing to do with me, and so I sat back down, saying nothing. I didn’t have to defend myself, I had nothing to explain, and I didn’t want to serve her a Shit Sandwich either even if it was my first instinct–two wrongs don’t make a right.

The best thing you can do for yourself and for the Shit Sandwich Server is to leave well enough alone. Abstain completely. Remove yourself from the situation.  Because otherwise you’re going to keep getting served more and more Shit Sandwiches. People everywhere will start to see that you readily accept Shit Sandwiches and thoroughly enjoy them. If you, like me, don’t like eating Shit Sandwiches, you’ve got to put your foot down and set some boundaries. It’s nothing personal against the server–they are not a bad person for serving you a Shit Sandwich. But at the same time, you don’t have to eat it. Let the server handle his or her Shit Sandwich issues without you in the picture.

The key is recognizing that you are being served a Shit Sandwich, because obviously it is not always immediately obvious. You see the nice toasty hot bread first, and you must look between the buns to see the meat of the matter. Or in this case, the shit of the matter.  Once you know that someone is trying to serve you a steaming pile of Bullshit, you can then easily call “Bullshit” and go back to what you were doing.

I think a stranger from Safeway sums it up best:

“I do not respond positively to negative stimuli.”

Say no to Shit Sandwiches, my friend. Your body and mind will thank you for it.

4 thoughts on “Shit Sandwiches

  1. Well written Melissa Black….dont you just hate subway……ironically I had the same situation in subway the other day. I just felt like subway, and went in and said can I please get sub of the day. The guy said there is no sub of the day. I replied oh really is there any specials…then the guy got so mad explained that the last sub of the day was over 3 weeks ago(apparently it is general knowledge) and that in every subway stores around the world in a harsh tone, the subway specials are on the first board on the right and the top of the door when you walk in…he then said twice so dont be lazy and walk back and read the sign so you know next time you don’t come in…Fukien wanker i thought, and i left without a shit sandwhich and I haven’t been to subway ever since.

  2. What a fabulous piece of writing, not surprising really from a ‘creative’ such as your good self.

    On the thankfully, rare occasions when I encounter people such as this, it does feel incredibly tempting to match their torrent of abuse – but then we are being drawn into their morphic field of rage. I do my best to remember that each of us is doing our level best to swim away from the sharks and that our ‘behaviour’ is not who we really are.

    As (hopefully) more of us wake up to our own magnificence and operate from our heart centre, then maybe this type of sandwich will disappear from the menu!

    In the meantime, well done Melissa for picking something else to nourish you!

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